Three points to make 1. Responding to comments * You do not have to obey every suggestion that someone makes. But you should think about them. * The referee is always right even when they're wrong - if they say do X and that doesn't make sense, you still haven't communicated, maybe not right there, but maybe elsewhere in the document 2. Writer scaffolding sentences 3. The function of a paragraph ------ Ben Leroy 1st parg of sect 3: I actually mostly like this paragraph. First sentence sets context by referring to prev material; second sentence links well to 1st sentence. Some problems that may be causing confusion: (1) 1st sentence construction is a little awkward, ending how it began with "missingness" - what's teh new info or take home msg? (2) 3rd sentence seems grammatically correct but very difficult to follow. There are two lines of set up before the subject of the sentence appears ("the methods below") and a gerund in that set up ("relating") attracts our attention as a candidate for the main verb in the sentence (when in fact the main verb is "set out" a few words later). Byoan comment on linking subsections: Putting an "outline of the section" at the beginning of the section is one way to help the reader map out the section; however it is somewhat boring and wastes space (still, I do it sometimes!). Another approach is to make sure that subsection titles and 1st lines of paragraphs (esp at beginning of subsections) tell the story, for a skim-reader. last parag of sect 3.2 I feel like I might like this sentence to be earlier in the parag since (a) it motivates what you did ("so nice breaks...") and (b) it does not seem to be either a main takeaway message of the parag or a lead-in to the next bit of material in sec 3.3 ----------------- Boyan writing check word "groupements" last parag of sect 4.3.1: I don't mind the informality but I would do two things here: (a) chance "some possible explanation" to "a possible explanation" (reader expectations for common phrase in english); and (b) move the 2nd half of sentence ("counterintuitive") somewhere else (later in the parag) so that you are not apologizing for the possible explanation before giving it. table 8 and demog parag below - let's talk in class about it sentence at beginning of sect 4.3.1 -- scaffolding sentence --------- Fuchen Fucntion of 1st parag after item 3 on p 2 --------- Justin No one commented? -------- Kevin some sloppy grammar here and there makes it hard to parse the work (e.g. first sentence of sect 3) -------- Manjari in introduction "A standard assumption..." sentence nees more context not just linking to prev sentence.